i am terrified. i do not think. i have come to the place of knowing and it is a responsibility that i cannot let perish. all things have fallen into “place” as if chaos before this moment didn’t perfectly let me know what i did not need. i have found the Love that i have always longed for. Although i did come to the realization that the only love worth fighting for is that of SELF, however cliche that sounds, even in those solitary moments of awakening and truly accepting myself, i was being SELFISh with the love that i knew someone else could benefit from. it had come to the point that i was enamored too much by my own reflection, by my own being, that an individual with the most purest intention would not get a second glance from me at all. Most people said, but didn’t know, that the fact was, i was saving it all for this particular encounter. now that the grass is green, now that all debts are settled within myself. i slept too long with guilt in my belly from a past that no longer matters in these instants. Only now i look back and think how foolish i was to think anything before this could have been love at all. everyday i wake up thinking how i will protect this love. how i will defend it. this time i know i deserve it. although i think this time, is the first time, or perhaps last time. i am so certain, so clear, in this knowing. this illumination is blinding almost. grips me with fear. of all the things you wish for, and it comes, as bright as day, and you almost wish you asked while you were asking, to be taught how to maintain exactly what you longed so long to attain. so now i ask for the knowledge and patience to endure every bit of change that occurs when two individuals decide to swim together in an ocean of sea monsters and at least at the very bottom we can see what we find at the pit of its belly. holding hands, trembling at times, that we might drown, but pushing one another up towards the surface.noses out, but hearts submerged.